Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
