I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so much tequila, so little girl.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
