Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
