Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
