it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I booty called her while she was in labor.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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