trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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