Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
