puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
