I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
