"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize