Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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