Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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