So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
