Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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