Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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