Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
