My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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