I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
