we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
