You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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