I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
