I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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