I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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