I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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