genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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