I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
