I heard we made out
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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