It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
