I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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