I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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