he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
