My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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