I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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