i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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