ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
