call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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