dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
