it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
