maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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