Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize