So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
