mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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