Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
