I could have mohawked her pubes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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