I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
