Your dad touched me again.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
