Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
