1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
