There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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