Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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