I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
