Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
