Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
