I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
please come you make the beer taste better
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
