Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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