In the future we'll all be gay
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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