im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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