If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
