His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
