Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
