The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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