I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
