WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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