I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
