Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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