Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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