The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
