I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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