Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize