He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
